And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
