you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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