Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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