as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
