It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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