Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
