this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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