just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
