No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
