oh god the rape fog is back!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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