even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
