i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
