I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
