Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
