No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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