I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
