Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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