i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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