I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
