I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
