Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
