I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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