what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize