just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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