I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
