Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
