remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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