so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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