I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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