I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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