I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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