hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
