I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
