My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
