i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
