Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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