Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
