You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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