i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize