I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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