I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
