Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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