you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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