The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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