Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
