whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
