So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
