My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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