haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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