the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
