the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
