Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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