She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize