she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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