I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
