**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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