Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
