Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
