why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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