ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
