I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
