he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
