I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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