Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
