What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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