Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
