I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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