Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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