I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
