I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
