he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
