Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
