Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
